


I'm Still Here

by Kuroo_kei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, KRTSKWEEK2020: DAY 2 "On the verge of breaking up", Light Angst, M/M, Married Life, Minor Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Original Character(s), Some kinks, Vomiting, mhmm, there was an accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:06:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25588765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroo_kei/pseuds/Kuroo_kei
Summary: For Kei, waking up next to Tetsurou feels like home.But for the past seven months and nine days, home never felt any colder.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 38
Kudos: 225





	I'm Still Here

**Author's Note:**

> Happy KRTSK WEEK 2020 !  
> DAY 2 : ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING UP
> 
> It's not that painful, don't worry.

Kei woke up to the sound of the front door closing, the tell-tale sound of the lock sliding in place echoed through the silent walls, prompting him to sit up. He felt the cold air bring him further awake as the thick blanket slipped off of his body and lay crumpled on his lap. He sat motionless on their bed, staring lifelessly at his hands. The paleness of his skin infuriates him, as it makes the gold colour of his wedding band even more striking.

Kei stood up without any sense of enthusiasm, and like every morning, he stood there in the middle of their bedroom, eyes looking longingly at every corner where happy memories lay. No matter how he appreciates the peace and quiet, he can’t help but find the stillness jarring. The emptiness that lulled into their home was no longer surprising, though he can’t say it’s any less painful. After all, seven months and nine days ago, he wouldn’t wake up on a bed with half of its sheets barely slept on.

Seven months and nine days ago, he woke up warm. Not only because he was enveloped in his husband’s embrace under the heated comfort of their favourite blanket, he was warm because of those feelings of belongingness and contentment swirling inside his belly, threatening to swallow him whole. He was warm because the hold of love on him was so tight. The overwhelming amount of pure adoration and devotion he feels for his partner, which once started as a measly spark, is now a blazing inferno.

However, as time went on, Kei felt as if he was observing the flames dance to an old tune, the melodies slowly fading, the foundations turning to ash as the fire creeps further and further away from the core. The flames are being smothered one tiny flicker at a time, and Kei stood watching.

For Kei, waking up next to Tetsurou feels like home.

But for the past seven months and nine days, home never felt any colder.

* * *

Observing the room from the most intricate details to the most prominent felt like a ritual for Kei. He notices how their closet door was not properly closed, the light still on in the bathroom, his briefcase under the desk. Only a few seconds were spared for each item, barely a fleeting thought.

His eyes zeroed on the medium sized whiteboard he placed above their desk table; blank.

He regrets how he took those tiny scribbles and affectionate notes for granted. He missed seeing Tetsurou’s endearing drawings of cats, dinosaurs, and too much hearts.

Kei remembers how quickly he brushed those off, having to see them every day, no more than wall decoration he got used to. Now he looked unseeingly at that blank slate for too long, racking his brain trying to picture how the drawings looked like, how many hearts were drawn, how many declarations of love were written in red marker.

His eyes shifted beside the board towards the small bookshelf, their collection of books now collecting dust. Among those books were photo albums containing evidences of their happiness, but Kei couldn’t open them anymore. He’s too afraid of seeing their smiles frozen in time, how their eyes shown so bright.

He is scared to see how the photographs captured his husband’s eyes full of love, he is terrified how it might unveil how different Tetsurou’s eyes look like now compared to before.

These days, he couldn’t even get a glimpse of those alluring hazels anymore.

Kei inhales sharply, finally moving his gaze away. Moving his feet forward, he grabs the uniform he hanged on the doorknob last night, straight from the dry cleaners, since neither of them do chores together anymore. Tadashi even comes every Wednesdays and Saturdays now, assisting him in cleaning the unused places of the house. Kei is sure Tetsurou knows, because he’s always out during those days. Like how Kei knows Tetsurou cleans every Tuesdays and Thursdays, on times when Kei must teach in university until night.

Kei placed the clothes unceremoniously on the bed, on the unwrinkled space. On Tetsurou’s side.

Streaks of sunlight peaked through the closed blinds, signalling how late it has become and how late he would be for his class if he dawdled more.

The walk towards their bathroom was quick, his shower under the cold spray was quicker. Despite his rush, however, his eyes never failed to give a thoughtful once-over at the bathroom shelf displaying all his bottles of strawberry scented shampoo, Tetsurou’s minty ones, and the wide space between them.

He once looked at that shelf in disdain, when it was all mixed and messy. How his cherry soap would be hidden behind his husband’s coffee scrubs and shower gel.

At least their toothbrushes are still in the same cup.

Hastily putting on his clothes, pressed for time as he already is, didn’t stop his thoughts from reminiscing. He started closing his shirt from the second button down, having remembered that the first button of this dress shirt always made him fumble and waste a few minutes trying to put it in.

And if Kei remembered how Tetsurou would always fix it for him, then it would just be one of the many photographic memories Kei recollects every morning of every day.

Kei stalled by the doorway leading out their bedroom and into the hallway, hands gripping the silver knob and briefcase safely clenched by the handle in his right hand. He belatedly adds the doorknob to the list of things he finds annoying. The silver colour further accentuated the gold on his hand. A constant reminder of what he has even when feels that he has nothing at all.

With furrowed brows and wobbly lips, Kei turned around to face the bed.

The same King-sized bed that once felt so small, the two of them laying down always pressed together, now seemed too big.

The same King-sized bed with dark sheets that were once a hassle to clean after every lovemaking.

The same King-sized bed with soft pillows once strewn around after every playful wrestle and pillow fight.

The same King-sized bed, where he slept inside the warmth of his husband’s intimacy.

That same King-sized bed is now just a furniture that happened to have had nested Kei’s whole world.

The walk towards their kitchen was done without any fanfare, not now when he knew how barren the once lively space is. The once warm sweet-scented place now filled with the smell of fresh daisies. An artificial scent from the air freshener he installed when he opened the refrigerator to find the leftovers and fruits have gone bad.

This brand of air freshener can be used up to six months; Kei remembers it only has another month left before it dies out.

He remembers how neither of them uses the kitchen anymore. How he sat alone on one of their bright yellow dining chairs, staring wistfully at the unused plates and coffee mugs. How he reminisced under the kitchen’s fluorescent lights, those times they spent cooking and eating together. Those early breakfast treats that Tetsurou makes for Kei, He remembers how Tetsurou looked so proud and happy when Kei made him his lunch packages to take for work. Those nights spent waiting for Tetsurou in this very same bright yellow seat, with dinner almost ready. He remembers coming home greeted by warm arms, bright smiles and a promise of delicious food.

Kei remembers that night five months and a week ago, how his stomach quivered at the stench of those overdue left overs, rotten fruits and vegetables, spoiled milk and bread decorated with mould. He remembers how frantic he sounded when he called Tadashi, asking his best friend for help clearing out the smell; he remembers being so worried that Tetsurou’s suits and dress shirts might smell. How disgruntled Kei was, thinking that his husband might come home to the smell of rotten food.

He also remembers how senseless his worries were, since Tetsurou informed Kei of his business trip that same night, thirty-three minutes before his flight. How Tetsurou came home after two weeks of prolonged physical distance and no communication, without any notice. How Tetsurou went straight to bed, after sparring Kei a quick nod.

At least Kei hadn’t had to worry about him smelling something so unpleasing.

Kei shakes himself from his painful reverie. He grips the handle of his briefcase tightly as he glared at the brightly coloured cabinets innocently hanging on their lonely kitchen walls. The pale-yellow light peeking through the thin space between the curtains spills unto the floor, reminding Kei how dull his day would be no matter how bright the sun shines.

He hurriedly walks toward the front door, snatching his car keys along the way.

Closing the plain white door without feeling his husband’s lips on his no longer felt new. He long accepted that he’d be leaving their home without even a whisper of goodbye. The sound of the lock comforted Kei, solidifying the proof of a physical home. Yet, it also established the reality of what he had before and on what is left for him now.

Kei turned around at the sound of his name being called.

“Kei-kun! Good morning! It’s been a while since you and Tetsurou-kun visited the shop!”

“ah, Higurashi-san, Good morning...”

“I hope you’re doing well, do pass by the bakery sometime. We have this new strawberry muffin on the menu!”

Kei felt himself forcing a polite smile, nodding slowly towards the kind woman.

“Will do, Higurashi-san. Thank you…”

Gripping the door handle of his car, Kei stared at his reflection on the tinted window. It took a few minutes of stillness after he and the lady exchanged goodbyes. Kei liked her; Higurashi-san is their sweet neighbour who runs a café business near the park. He and Tetsurou visits the café frequently, trying out their new pastry and coffee. It would make sense for her to wonder seeing as it’s been months since they last dropped by. It was there, in that cosy coffee shop, in the same corner by the window, that he and his husband last ate their breakfast together.

No matter how comfortable the atmosphere was, how pleasant the staff were, how delicious the food, how the décor and designs were aesthetically pleasing to the eye, how soft the music. No matter how he enjoyed reading and writing notes on the note board and how he liked to stare at their photo thumbtacked on the wall. He just couldn’t come back there alone.

7:52 AM

As Kei got inside the black vehicle, his phone chimed, notifying him of a message. Fumbling in haste to check since he knew he rarely got them at this time.

He thought it might be from his husband, which made him excited and anxious at the same time.

It wasn’t him, however.

It was a message from his colleague notifying him of an emergency meeting for all college faculty members, scheduled in thirty minutes. The wave of disappointment was met with dread, since it normally takes twenty minutes for him to drive to the institution, and Kei isn’t fond of rushing for important events.

Forgoing the seat belt, he revved the car to life and drove a bit faster than he normally do.

Surprisingly, there weren’t many cars at this time, the morning rush was almost over, so the drive went by smoothly. Kei was even confident he’d make it to school with a few minutes to spare.

He had half the mind to play music, but he removed his finger from the switch at the last minute. He recalled that the playlist was set to play Tetsuro’s favorite songs, and he doesn’t have the heart to change it.

The last time they were together inside his car, they were driving through late night to get take out chicken wings and barbecue. The windows were open on Tetsurou’s side, the cold wind carrying his voice as he sang Bon Jovi’s November rain, albeit a bit more dramatically.

Hearing the same songs alone would definitely be a distraction, and he’d rather not have his eyesight blurred by tears when driving.

He could hear his husbands voice singing inside his mind, he could see how carefree he mouths the lyrics, how messy his hair was. All these he remembers as if it was just yesterday.

No matter how vivid his memory of Tetsurou was, Kei was still able to see his present surroundings clearly.

Before entering the intersection, Kei saw an elderly couple on the bench near the park. He saw a man walking his dog by the left sidewalk. He saw the traffic lights above turn red, and he stepped on the breaks barely on time.

The harsh screeching of his tires failed to distract him from the sight ahead.

He stared dead on at the approaching truck. There was no time and the black car stood no chance against the ten-wheeler lumber truck. The sound from the collision was so loud, there were sparks igniting from the friction between the car hood and the concrete. Scraps of metal were scattered on the road as the car was dragged across the pavement.

It was like watching in slow motion, yet it happened so fast.

The car windows shattered and the broken pieces were strewn everywhere.

The two vehicles skidded to a stop a few meters from where the impact struck, the smaller mobile was standing sideways, there was smoke and dust, and people were screaming frantically.

Despite everything happening around him, all Kei could focus on was the dark trail of blood splattered on the ground.

Kei sat safely inside his car, gripping the steering wheel, eyes wide as he stared at the scene in front of him. He was breathing very fast; his fingers were trembling. He could hear the sound of an ambulance nearby, almost drowned by the panicked voices and continuous honks from the cars behind him.

The police arrived a few minutes after, managing to clear the area enough for vehicles to pass through. Kei nervously drove away from the scene, closely followed by the cars behind him. He stares ahead, focusing on the road, and tries to stubbornly avoid looking back to see how the medics placed both injured drivers on the stretchers.

Once he reached dual lanes, he slowed down and steered towards a nearby parking slot. Turning off the engine, he loosened his grip on the wheel. He closed his eyes as he leaned against the drivers’ seat. Kei could feel cold sweat run down his temples, as he reached to remove his glasses, he noticed how his fingers were still shaking.

Unable to think clearly, he grabbed his phone, intending to call his husband.

He jolts, however. Quickly halting his movement, finger hovering above the call button.

_what if Tetsurou is driving?_

_What if he.._

_what if he calls, and Tetsurou.._

_What if he gets into an accident, just like that driver._

_What if he loses Tetsurou.. just like that driver._

_No.._

_oh god, no please. No._

As if burned, Kei threw his phone on the passengers’ seat. His thoughts showing him different scenarios, with each being worse than the other.

Kei pressed his fist against his chest, willing the heaviness to go. Forcing himself to breathe, to calm down.

It took him several minutes before he was sure he could drive properly, double checking his seat belt and mirrors. He would never forgive himself, if by his careless abandon, he would leave Tetsurou.

He promised.

He vowed.

12:40 PM

Tetsurou hears the door open, followed by the clear clacking of heels resounding inside his office walls. He could recognize the sound right away, being trailed by the same sound nearly every time during work.

He hears his secretary greet him, and he gives a nod as acknowledgement.

“In a second. Tachibana-san, let me just save this.” He told her, eyes shifting back towards the proposal he was currently preparing. He reads through the last paragraph again, just to be sure, half listening to his secretary babble on.

“No need to rush, Tetsu-kun, --"

“It’s Kuroo.”

“There is still half an hour before the board meeting starts, we’ve got plenty of free time. Ne, what shall we do?”

Tetsurou sighs, exasperated, as his secretary doesn’t seem to see his ring nor hear his direct rejection for every flirty suggestion. She was transferred to his office barely four months ago, and he was ready to transfer her back.

“We’ll use the time productively, this is a big project, the only way for it to run smoothly is to prepare as much as we can.” He answered, sending the document to the rest of the team.

“But, Tetsu-kun, we’ve spent almost every day overnight, for three months! I’m sure it’s fine to take a little breather, noh?” Tetsurou looks straight towards his closed office door, wondering how offended his co-workers would be if they heard her.

“And I’m sure we, along with twenty others, would be happy to take a break, after the meeting. They worked overnight with us, after all.”

“oh I’m sure... ah, have you had your lunch? Let’s go together.”

He stretches as he stood from his chair; rejecting her offer as he bent and stacked all the files needed.

“No, Thank you, Tachibana-san.” Tetsurou spoke with finality.

He glanced at his watch, fifteen minutes before one in the afternoon.

He wonders if Kei had his lunch already, hoping he’d eaten something healthy, he looked so frail when Tetsurou saw him asleep on their bed.

Remembering his current relationship with his husband brought a wave of sadness and longing, and Tetsurou had to blink fast in order to stop his tears from forming.

“Let’s go, it’s almost time.” He ordered, after he calmed down enough.

“oh yes,” she chirped, pocketing her phone as she stood off the chair. “Do be careful when driving home later, Tetsu-kun. I just saw the news, apparently, there was an accident at the intersection near your neighborhood this morning. A black SUV and a lumber truck, the driver- he-hey! Tetsu-kun?!”

Tetsurou bolted out the door.

His mind raced, faster than him as he rushed out the door. The papers he dropped now stacked messily on the floor. A jumble of words and a dozen images flashed behind his eyelids;

_This morning…_

_Black SUV…_

_Near his neighborhood…_

_A truck… accident... the driver-_

_The driver, oh god. Kei_

_No. no no please no._

He was rushing down the stairs, two at a time, having no patience to wait for the elevator. Hand working automatically, dialing his husbands’ number.

His tears nearly spilling as his heart dropped for every time the call disconnects.

He could barely see the exit when he felt a firm hand tugging his arm.

Tetsurou looked at his co-worker, eyes wide and panicked, frantically shrugging his hold.

“Hey, hey! Kuroo. Kuroo, calm down. Kuroo!”

“Sawamura, I- please, I have to go- please” his voice barely a whisper, pleading.

“wait, listen. Kuroo, look at me. I saw the news, it’s not him.” The confident sound of his friends’ voice was enough to stall him.

“what..?” Tetsurou asked, voice sounding weak and beseeching.

“I saw the news this morning, the car looked the same, but it wasn’t him. I called Koushi, but he reassured me before I could ask. Your husband is safe, he arrived safe. He’s safe, Kuroo, He’s okay. Calm down. Sit here, I’ll go get water.”

Sawamura ushered him towards the waiting chairs, before he went to get a bottle of water from the office café.

Tetsurou sat unceremoniously on the stiff plastic chair, legs giving out, he leaned back, resting his head against the wall. He closed his eyes as he focused on the same words over and over again, willing his heartbeat to slow down.

_He’s safe._

_Kei, he’s safe._

_Kei’s safe. He’s okay._

_He’s okay. My kei…_

_My kei is safe. Safe. Oh god. He’s safe._

_Thank you. Thank you,_

Tetsurou opened his eyes when he felt coldness pressed to his forehead.

He accepted the bottled water, murmuring a quiet ‘thank you’.

He felt Sawamura sitting beside him, offering calming silence as Tetsurou took the time to regain his composure. After a while, he lets out a huge sigh of relief. The short period he spent in chaotic disarray because of the possibility that his husband might’ve been involved in an accident was traumatic. It took all his focus, energy and rationality. Tetsurou felt like a mess, and by the reflection he saw on a nearby window, he looked like a mess as well.

He felt his phone vibrate form inside his pocket, it was a message from Kei.

**_Fr: My firefly_ **

_Tetsu?_

It was short, but it filled Tetsurou with so much joy.

_He called me Tetsu._

_It’s been a while since the last time he did._

_Kei called me Tetsu._

Reading that short message was the finality Tetsurou needed, proving that he is indeed safe and sound. The comfort and calmness that filled him was enough to wash away his lingering worry.

_**To: My firefly** _

_Kei-_

“Kuroo!”

Tetsurou was startled by the sudden call of his name, he stood straighter as he watched his boss approach him with three men tagging along. He pocketed his phone immediately as he recognized the representatives of the board. Flashing them a polite smile, Tetsurou greeted them with confidence, internally hoping he wiped all traces of tears from his face as he shook hands with them.

He didn’t have time to complete and send his reply, as his boss quickly ushered them inside the conference room. For once, he was glad his secretary was there, holding onto the files he dropped.

Any hope of replying disappeared the longer the meeting took, as there was barely any time for him to hold his phone. The conference lasted longer than he anticipated, bathroom breaks were far in between, and as a department head, his presence was of utmost importance.

* * *

9:26 AM

Kei arrived to school that day almost an hour late, the meeting long adjourned. He could feel legs weaken as he got out of his car, hands still trembling as he fumbled with the car remote. Bypassing his homeroom and designated faculty room, he went straight to the department head’s office.

After three curt knocks on the door, he heard an affirmative.

Letting himself inside the office, he noticed his co-teacher sitting on one of the available couch chairs. Kei has been close friends with Sugawara since high school, so the concerned look he got from the man was almost expected. He does a small bow, carefully keeping his eyeglasses on his face.

“Good morning, Kaede-san, Sugawara-san, I apologize for not being able to attend the meeting as a consequence of me being late. There was… I got caught up in an unfortunate situation.” Kei explained hesitantly.

The expression on their faces became identical looks of worry.

“Are you okay, Kuroo-kun? You look pale, come sit down.” Kaede gently ushered Kei towards the cushioned chairs, settling quietly beside him.

“I’m okay, Kaede-san, just overwhelmed, I think.”

Kei heard the sound of cups being placed on the small table.

“Here, have some of this to calm you down. You look like you’re about to faint” He accepted the tea gratefully, muttering a small ‘thank you’ to Sugawara.

“Did… did something happen?”

He could still see flashes of that scene being replayed in his mind, so he could retell the whole scenario from start to finish. He doesn’t think he could, though. Not unless he wants to break down in front of his boss.

Kei nodded, providing a summary of what had happened.

“I witnessed an accident a while ago, while driving through an intersection. It… It happened right in front of me, I saw how the car got dragged, the b-blood on the ground. It took a while before the police and the ambulance to arrive, they had to pave the way for the cars to pass through.” Kei didn’t notice how his hands were shaking until Sugawara took the cup from his hands.

He then felt tender hands softly clasp his own, the gesture was so warm Kei nearly cried right there.

“You can take the day off today, Kuroo-kun. Take a rest, this is nothing to scoff at. You might be going into shock; we can accompany you to the hospital if needed.”

Grateful, Kei offered a small smile towards the old lady. “There’s no need Kaede-san, I can still work. I appreciate the offer though, thank you so much for looking out for me.”

“Are you sure, dear? The scheduled tests are still far ahead, you can skip teaching today.” Kei felt her grip his hands tighter, as if to reassure him of his choices. No matter how his body and mind scream for a breather, Kei wants to avoid their empty house as much as he possibly can. After all, an empty space full of broken promises would further break him, and he is barely hanging on.

Sugawara nods in agreement, eyes which were previously searching now glazed with understanding. He listens as his senior reassure their department head, “Don’t worry Kaede-san, I’ll make sure to keep a close eye on Kei-kun. I’ve got to stop him from over working today.”

Normally, Kei would refuse with the suggestion, but seeing as this would be the only chance that he’ll get in convincing their department head to let him stay, he can accept the additional supervising.

He nods, willing himself to appear strong.

Kaede sighs as she reluctantly accepts the conditions. Kei leaves the office with his senior in tow, bowing in unison as Kaede bid them goodbye with endless reminders to take it easy.

Kei walks up the stairs to head for his second class with Sugawara walking silently beside him. Once they arrived near the laboratory, Sugawara asks him something he’d rather not think about.

“Have you told Tetsurou-kun?”

_He probably doesn’t care. At least, not anymore…_

“I’ll tell him after I finish this class.”

Sugawara tilts his head a bit, confusion clear on his face. “Shouldn’t you inform him immediately?”

_He wouldn’t care. It’s not a priority. I’m no longer a priority._

“I’m sure he’d appreciate it more if I don’t disturb him. He’s very busy at work after all. I’m sorry but I have to attend to my class now Suga-san, thank you again for the concern. I’ll be sure to message him.” Kei bows once more before he goes inside the room.

He placed his book bag on the table and quickly inspected the room.

The students were all in their lab coats, the equipment and materials ready and prepared on the individual counter. Another reason why he’d rather not skip class for today was because of the excited faces staring at him, eager to start their experiments.

Kei removes his wedding ring and placed it securely in his bag, to avoid any possible damage as he demonstrated how the chemicals should be handled and how the equipment is to be used.

He paid extra attention on his students today, even though he knew they were very capable of handling the tests themselves. He refused to keep his mind unoccupied, reluctant to think of anything besides school work. He spent his whole morning supervising two classes, grading essays and preparing a lesson plan for the next month. He lost track of time, only noticing he got a few minutes before his lunch break ends when a student placed a bag of pastry and a cup of coffee on his desk.

“Kuroo-sensei, Sugawara-sensei asked me to give these to you.”

“I see. Thank you, Higarashi.”

There was no one inside the faculty with him, so he was free to stare at the pastry with guilt as he already knew he couldn’t stomach any food right now. Sighing, he got up and placed the bag on Kiyoko’s desk. He usually gave her baked goods when he has too much, so Kei was sure she would know it’s from him, or well, technically, it was from Sugawara.

He quickly stacks all paper work as he barely has time before his next class starts. He grabs the coffee and absentmindedly took a quick gulp, which he later regrets as he felt the scalding liquid slid down his throat. Kei looks around inconspicuously, trying to see if anyone saw his blunder. He swiftly dumps the coffee down a nearby sink and throws the empty cup in the trash, muttering a quiet apology to Sugawara for the wasted drink.

He starts the class as soon as he came in, Chemistry is a great subject but History is his forte, and he wants to cover as much concepts as he can. In the middle of discussing about the influence of the Fujiwara clan during the Heian period, three resounding knocks were heard before the door opened.

“Sugawara-san…”

“Ah, sorry to disturb your class Kei-kun, but you might want to hold on to this.”

Kei glanced at the outstretched hand holding his phone.

“oh.” Kei feigned surprise, as if he didn’t leave his phone on his desk on purpose. “Thank you, I’m sorry for the trouble.”

Sugawara just smiles, turns around and closes the door behind him.

Kei looked down on his phone, there were eleven notifications staring back at him. He excuses himself from the class, hurries out the room and opened his call log.

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:43 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:45 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:46 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:48 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:49 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:51 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:53 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:55 pm_

_**Missed call** _

_My Tetsurou - 12:57 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:58 pm_

**_Missed call_ **

_My Tetsurou - 12:59 pm_

Kei swallowed as his throat suddenly felt dry. A surge of happiness passed through him as he stared at his husbands’ name blinking on his screen. His happiness, however, was short lived as his thoughts turned negative.

_Did something happen?_

_Why did he call consecutively?_

_Is he okay?_

_Is something wrong?_

Kei exhaled as if to expel the pessimistic thoughts filling his mind.

_**To: My Tetsurou** _

_Tetsu?Are you okay? Did something happen? Why did you call? Are you safe? . . ._

Kei stared at the message he frantically typed, suddenly feeling self-conscious on how he frets too much. He decides to leave it short.

**_To: My Tetsurou_ **

_Tetsu?_

He sends the message quickly; afraid he might overthink things again and he would be too frustrated to send anything. He pockets his phone after making sure it was on full volume. He doesn’t want to miss if ever his husband calls again, and for the rest of the day he waited in anticipation for a notification.

A call.

A text.

It was already early in the evening, close to 7:00 pm, after Kei finished all his classes and wrote all the needed paper work for tomorrow. Yet his phone remained silent. Not a single indication of a message.

He sat alone by his desk; the faculty now empty after all his co-workers left a few minutes ago. Glaring at the dark side of the room, on the empty wall space between the plain bulletin board and the fancy calligraphy filled board, he recalls how often he checked his phone. It was embarrassing, unethical, and unprofessional.

_All that and for what? Nothing._

Feeling irritated and forlorn, he switches his phone off before stuffing it deep inside his book bag, sandwiched between the books and grading sheets he has to take home. He could feel the underlying anxiety, doubtful whether his husband was already home or not. Passing by the dark corridors no longer felt strange, instead, it was comforting. The empty silence reminds him of a safe place, a place where everything is still and tranquil, like a frozen memory in a snow globe, or a captured moment in a photograph. But, just like most unmoving objects, every touch on the surface felt lifeless.

His safe place was now a cold dwelling, displaying every sunny memory in dull colors. A coat of grey dust collecting on the surface, proof of how often he longingly looks and reminisce, but never once did he try and reach out to touch.

In his current standing with his husband, Kei was terrified of reaching out. The looming possibility of an end overpowers the chance for reconciliation. So, every day for the past cold cold months, he greedily rakes his eyes around the barren walls and pitifully tries to remember every piece of memory.

Every morning spent rediscovering the evidences of a home he once had. A desperate attempt to feel alive. It was hopeless, it was pathetic, it was painful. Yet, it was the only time where he feels close enough.

Only when he remembers, does he feel his husbands embrace. It’s all he has.

Kei drove home carefully that night, mindful of every turn and every street light. The whole ride home was filled with dread, knowing that he would be arriving in front of the only house in their neighborhood engulfed in darkness. Passing through the street where he could see windows bright and scintillating always felt unfair once he parked outside their empty lot. A shadow of a house surrounded by bustling homes. Laughable, if not incredibly poignant.

Kei got used to being greeted by darkness that he no longer needs the light to know the directions to their room. The pitiful glimmer of dull moonlight peeking through the living room curtains and bedroom blinds.

_The moon is destined to be surrounded by night shadows, doesn’t it?_

When Tetsurou told him how their names match in a poetically romantic way, Kei did not think this was what he meant.

With the moon left alone surrounded by darkness devoid of warmth.

_“see baby, if it would be written like this, you are the ethereal moon, and I’m the black slate of the night sky. You give me light, and I will always be there to be with you.”_

_“Tetsu that’s so cheesy what the heck.”_

_“hahaha what? It makes sense, right?”_

_“still, you’re so embarrassing...”_

_“you love it.”_

_“I do. I love you.”_

_“hnng. You don’t just drop that out of the blue, kei! Have mercy on my heart...”_

_“…”_

_“I love you, too.”_

_…_

_…_

_“You know, when we get married, and if you choose to accept my surname, I’d still be the night sky that would always be with you, and you’ll be with me as a firefly, dance with me ‘till dawn, share your light with me.”_

_“Did you just… indirectly propose, tetsu?”_

_“You know I’d marry you now if I could, but seeing as we are still in university…”_

_“Hmmm...soon I’ll be… Kuroo Kei, then?”_

_“Baby please my heart is weak.”_

_“You’re so dramatic, haha… shall I start calling you my husband, now, Tetsu?”_

_“Oh my god, I love you. So much. I love you a whole lot, kei, baby. I love you”_

_“I love you, too, very much, Tetsu. I can’t wait to marry you.”_

_“My baby is merciless.”_

_“Tetsurou you dumbass.”_

_…_

_…_

The flicker of light from outside the window pulled Kei away from his memories, the sounds came back as he returned to reality. Back to the lonely atmosphere threatening to drown him.

Squinting his eyes to read the time, their desk clock informs him that it’s a minute before 8 in the evening. The sky lost any trace of the sun, the shadows dance around the room, a melancholic silhouette play and he’s the only audience.

He gets up from the bed, confused as to when he sat down in the first place. He felt his eyes sting as he turns on the light switch in the bathroom, the pale artificial light chased away his shadows, further bleeding unto the floor towards the bedroom, highlighting a linear portion of the room.

Kei places his glasses on the shelf beside the mirror, blurry eyes set downcast, refusing to face his reflection. He trudged towards the bath, filling the tub with warm water as he undressed.

The bath tub was barely half empty when Kei went in, slowly dipping his toes before sitting down fully. The tub was big enough for two, so Kei stretched his legs completely. The light blue colour of their tub further accentuates the paleness of his skin. He splayed his fingers under shallow waters, visually tracing his knuckles. He surveyed how each knob juts out strikingly, extending onto long thin fingers. He watched the water trick down from the gaps between his fingers, slowly gliding down his arms.

He bent his knees and scooted forward; the water was high enough to splash out from the top when he moved. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands ventured side wards to grip the edges, then took a huge gulping breath. He felt the warm water slowly engulfing him as he sank his upper body and laid down gently. He slowly let go and dropped his arms on either side.

Here, under the confined hold of running water, did Kei felt light. The disappearance of sound and sight gave him the chance to think rationally. The only way to remove any proof of their fraying relationship is to let himself drown, for a short moment.

Under heavy embrace did he feel whole.

Still empty, but no longer breaking apart.

_It was my fault._

_I know it’s my fault._

_I just had to ruin this._

_Ruin us._

_If only I could speak freely without constraints._

_If only I understood you better._

_If only I went home that day._

_If only I …_

_If only I fixed this sooner._

_If only …_

_I hope you come home soon, Tetsu…_

_I miss you…_

_…_

_It hurts._

_It hurts._

_It hurts._

_He couldn’t breathe._

Kei rose up quickly, desperately gasping for air.

A steady flow cascaded down the tiled floor continuously. Kei clumsily reached for the tap, hurriedly cutting off the stream of hot water. Once he regained proper breathing, he leaned against the back of the tub. Splashing waves upon tiny waves, he brought both his fisted hands on his face. The hard press of his palms against his eyelids stung, but no matter how tight he closed his eyes, the tears still ran down his cheeks, leaving a hot trail on its wake.

Tiny ripples formed around Kei as his body shook from uncontrolled sobs, he drags his hands down to wrap around his body. Blunt nails pressing too hard against his shoulders, the sting of shallow cuts ignored as he tried to stop any noise from leaving his harshly bitten lips.

It took a few minutes before he managed to calm down, Kei stood up on shaky legs, clutching the nearby towel rack before he slips. One look at the mirror and he saw how badly he bit his lower lip, no doubt a bruise would form later.

He dragged himself back to their bedroom, physically and emotionally exhausted. He barely managed to put on a pair of sleeping pants before collapsing on top of their bedspread.

Kei reached his hand towards Tetsurou’s side of the bed, and he blacked out the moment his head touched the pillow.

* * *

9:42 PM

Tetsurou excused himself as quickly as he could, after failing to persuade his boss that he be excluded from the celebration, he left the office far later than he would have liked.

Hastily shoving his briefcase on the passengers’ seat, he immediately started the engine and plugged his phone. The battery died a few hours ago from the amount of calls he had to take. With his hand on the steering wheel, he had half the mind to forgo his seatbelt.

He muttered curses to himself softly as he secured the buckles, remembering his promise all those years ago, that he would always be careful. The moment he left the company parking lot and entered the main high way, he was greeted by the night rush traffic. He groaned in impatient frustration as he was surrounded by blinding lights and road noise, car barely moving an inch for a few minutes at interval.

Tetsurou glared through the window, facing his own darkened reflection. He wanted to go home hours ago, he wanted to see Kei when the sun was at its highest but by unfortunate circumstances he couldn’t.

The meeting garnered successful results, thus the additional work and celebratory party. He was far from happy though, no matter how hard he worked on that project, no matter how proud he was with the outcome, nothing comes close to the feeling he gets when he finally sees his husband.

For the past three months he came home to Kei curled up on his side of the bed, clutching the blankets as he pressed his face deeper into the soft pillows. For the past three months he sat on the floor beside the bed, watching Kei sleep. Carefully memorizing the curl of his lashes, the slope of his nose, the curve of his cheek, and the small pout on his lips.

It took almost an hour for him to escape the traffic, and another twenty minutes to drive the rest of the way home. It was nearing eleven when he finally got inside, closing the door as quietly as he could. Just like every night he comes home, the only open source of light was the lamp in the living room, a small moon shaped lamp beside the television. The silhouettes swayed and the light flickered as he passed by the dimly lit corridor, he saw the shadows draping over the framed photographs like a blanket shielding the proof of their love from reality.

Tetsurou heaves a heavy breath.

He places his bag on the sofa, the cushions sunk with its weight but it made no sound. His sock clad feet padding softly on their cold floors. He stood by the opened bedroom door, the light from the living room barely illuminating anything, yet he could picture his husbands sleeping form in his memory very clearly.

Tetsurou approached the bed as if he was walking on eggshells. He knelt down when he reached Kei, near enough to touch, to caress his cheek, to stroke his hair, to press a kiss on his forehead.

Yet, he didn’t.

He sat cross-legged and trailed his eyes on his husband’s delicate visage, placing his arm on the little bed space between them. He rests his head on his hand, trying to be as close as possible without waking Kei up. Tetsurou takes in every little detail, timed the seconds after every exhale, counts the moles on his extended arm, stares wistfully at his left hand fisting the sheets, how a white line replaced gold.

The implications of Kei’s ringless finger screams like the final blow that concludes their seven month long lonely misery.

Tetsurou slowly held his husbands’ hand, head falling to lay half faced down. He could taste the metallic bitterness of blood as he bit his lip too hard, never letting a single sound out, keeping his agony as quiet as possible.

His grip on Kei’s hand remained weak while he broke down in silence. His whole body shaking in effort to hush his cries.

Just like every night he comes home, Tetsurou cries soundlessly.

For seven months they’ve ignored the problem until it became completely obscure. What started as a measly spark, became the sole reason they are left numb and lost without a home.

Tetsurou remembers that day they let the deadly flames wreak havoc, with both of them tired and distressed from work. How Tetsurou failed to inform Kei he’d be home late because of an emergency meeting, leaving Kei to wait under the artificial lights of their kitchen.

He remembers coming home to the sight of his husband slumped over the dinner table, beside the now cold dinner. He approached the hunched figure, planning on taking Kei to bed, prepared to carry his husband towards the comfort of their bed and under the warmth of their favourite blanket.

Kei jerked awake when Tetsurou touched his shoulder, his glasses left a mark on the left side of his face.

Before Tetsurou could speak, however, Kei’s face turned sour.

Eyebrows pinched and eyes squinted, Kei stared at his husband in disappointment.

“oh. Now you decided to come home.”

Barely thinking straight due to fatigue, Tetsurou gets irked by his husbands peeved tone.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kei knew he wasn’t angry at his husband for being late, he understood that work can sometimes be unreasonable. The lack of message to inform him of such sudden changes, however, made him worry.

He was so worried yet Tetsurou doesn’t seem to think it was worth the trouble.

An apology was at the tip of his tongue, he didn’t mean to sound hostile.

But Tetsurou matched his tone, defensive and confrontational.

Kei abruptly stood up, chair scrapping the tiled floor. Leaving his husband standing in the middle of their kitchen.

Tetsurou could remember how frustrated he was, his head throbbing and his mind drowned by too many thoughts. There was pressure at work, his boss giving him a huge work load and barely any time to prepare properly. His secretary quit without warning, leaving him half unfinished drafts and uncategorized files. He got held up until the early hours of dawn, his boss dragged him from one department office to another, and for the whole time he was worried and anxious.

He wasn’t given the opportunity to even fetch his phone, failing to notify his husband of the time he’ll arrive home.

Now it all resulted into one big misunderstanding and Tetsurou decided it would be better for them to have a peaceful talk tomorrow rather than blow any more fuses tonight.

He remembered how Kei was curled up on his side of the bed, near the edge, back facing him.

Petty and disgruntled, he went straight to the bathroom, surprised to see his sullen expression glaring back at him through the mirror.

For the first time since they’ve started living together, they slept that night away from each other’s warmth.

Tetsurou remembers how he woke up the following morning next to an empty bed, the blinds closed tight and the whole house was deathly silent. It was still early, a time when Kei would just be waking up, yet it seemed as if Kei had already left. The living room curtains were drawn shut, and he left them as it is when he passed by. The kitchen was bare.

Tetsurou didn’t have the appetite to cook anything.

He remembers how he sent his boss an email asking for a leave.

How he spent that day tidying up and looking at photo albums. He went out to buy his husband’s favourite strawberry shortcake from that café they frequent, along with a bouquet of fresh sunflowers. He waited beside their door, seeing as he knew his husband usually comes home around this time. He stayed outside, fiddling with his phone as he sat beside the cake and flowers he placed on the nearby bench.

The sun has set and it was already well into the night. Yet, Kei was still not home.

Tetsurou remembered how his several missed calls were answered by one dismissive text.

_**Fr: My Firefly** _

_I’ll be home late. Don’t wait for me._

Tetsurou wanted to ask why.

Tetsurou wanted to know if Kei was getting back at him.

Tetsurou wanted to know, desperately.

Yet he decided to give his husband time. Albeit childishly and stubbornly waiting for Kei to come around.

Days passed, and Kei never did.

The subject was never breached.

The underlying tension being dismissed.

The evident problem was ignored.

Days bled into weeks, and weeks flew by until they started counting by months.

Their schedules overlapping at the most inconvenient times.

Their pride preventing either of them from reaching out.

It was one petty disagreement that placed the nail, but it was their ego that struck the nail down to the hilt.

It stretched out too long as Tetsurou wanted Kei to instigate their talk.

But the situation already went by long enough that Kei doesn’t know how he would approach the issue.

Now they stand on the same precipice facing away from each other.

Tetsurou desperately wants to fix what ever went wrong, but a stubborn part of him refuses to put down his walls. A hopeful part of him still waits for Kei to take that step. A selfish part of him got tired of waiting. Now he is just a mess of longing and blighted hope.

The constant dings from his phone forcefully jolts Tetsurou from his sleep, his neck and back aching as he spent a few hours asleep in such an uncomfortable position. He stood up to check his notifications, feeling disgruntled from seeing they were just unimportant messages from his secretary. He placed the phone on the nearby night table, noticing the time.

It was already way past six in the morning yet the surrounding seemed so dark, he approached the blinds and took a peek. A small flash of lightning struck from the distance, followed by a rumble behind the clouds that reverberated around their room. Somehow, the gloomy atmosphere matched the feelings deep inside his heart. A sudden thunderstorm after a day full of sunshine.

* * *

Kei woke up to the sound of thunder, and immediately his half open eyes focused on the blurry image of his husband near the window. Even without his glasses, he could still make out his husbands’ dark messy hair. Kei stared silent and unmoving, drinking in his presence.

A minute passed by, then two, possibly ten.

Kei doesn’t know how long he laid there simply looking at his husband.

_He’s still in his work clothes, that I could tell…_

_Has he just arrived home?_

The stillness shattered when another bout of lightning painted the sky with bright light, his husband closing the blinds as he stepped back from the window sill and went straight to the bathroom. Kei sat up the moment he heard the bathroom door close. Mind running on over drive as he thought about how this was the first time this week that he woke up with Tetsurou still at home. Kei was overthinking whether they should talk, on what he’ll say, how he would act.

They’ve ignored each other for far too long, faces never unguarded and emotions safely kept hidden.

Kei was so engrossed in his internal over analyzation that he panicked when he heard the water stop, followed by the sound of the light switch. He went rigid when the door opened, schooling his expression at the last second.

After the initial shock, Tetsurou mirrored his husbands’ stoic expression.

Internally cursing himself, Kei tried to make his face more readable. He wants to talk, even if he doesn’t know how to start. Despite the persistent thoughts in his head, the anxiety and foreboding feeling setting his already frazzled nerves on fire. He was scared. One wrong word, one accidental slip of his tongue, and he might lose his husband completely.

But he yearns to hold Tetsurou’s hand again, to see those bright hazel eyes, to feel his warmth.

So, he steeled his nerves and looked at his husband straight in the eyes.

In that moment, the ringing of Tetsurou’s phone robbed Kei of his opportunity to speak. He clenched his jaw as he dropped his gaze on his lap. Silently cursing whoever called in such inopportune moment. Tetsurou read the name of the caller, and with the shallow state that his mind is currently in, he answered the call and pressed speaker.

“Good morning, Tetsu-kun!” The sultry tone of the caller immediately irks Kei.

_Tetsu-kun? What the hell? Who was she to call him Tetsu?_

“Tachibana-san, what is it?” Tetsurou answered.

 _And he lets her call him that?_ Kei internally questions.

“Your schedule for today Tetsu-kun! Morning schedule is totally free, a tentative meeting with the HR department at one in the afternoon, and another meeting with Sawamura-san later in the evening.”

“Thank you. Will that be all?” His husbands’ tone is curt and professional, speaking onto the phone situated on the table as he used both his hands to put on his dress shirt.

“Oh, the papers you wanted just got delivered, I’ll leave them on your desk so you can finally fill them up. Thank goodness too, since I know you’ve been waiting to finish things as soon as you can.”

_Papers…?_

_No, surely, it’s not what I think._

_Right?_

_He wouldn’t, right?_

_Tetsurou wouldn’t do that…_

_Right…?_

“Neh, Tetsu-kun, since morning schedule is free, shall we have breakfast together?”

_What._

_Wow._

_Okay._

_Is she…?_

_Is that how it is?_

_What the hell, Tetsurou._

Tetsurou paused after hearing the offer, fingers halted on the third button, as he stole a glance at his husband sitting still on the bed. He waited for any reaction from Kei that would indicate how against he was in such a proposition. But all he got was a small twitch on his left eyebrow; other than that, his husbands face was completely emotionless.

Tetsurou clicks his tongue, infuriated at himself for hoping his husband would show any kind of emotion to show that he still cares, when clearly, he no longer has the reason to.

“Tetsu-kun?”

“I’ll arrive in the office soon.” He spoke onto the phone, clear and resolute.

Tetsurou saw his husband abruptly raise his head, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He gave Kei a deadpan stare, a provocative glint in his sharp eyes, silently goading for any objection. Kei blinked, and just like that, he was back to looking unbothered. He watched as Kei slowly got up from bed, heading straight to the bathroom, passing Tetsurou without as much as a second glance. The lock echoed inside the now silent room, prompting him to grab his phone and storm out the door.

With his dress shirt three buttons undone, tie missing and his coat still draped over the iron board, he rushed towards the front door, snatching his briefcase from the sofa on his way out.

The harsh slam of the front door could be heard even from inside their bathroom, deafening and foreboding. Kei felt his legs finally give out, back sliding against the tiled wall opposite the door. Everything went so wrong and he wasn’t even able to say a word.

_It hurts._

_Fuck. Please, stop._

_Stop._

_Stopstopstop._

_Just…_

_Don’t leave._

_Don’t leave me..._

_I’m sorry please I’m sorry_

_Don’t go._

Kei felt the cold tiles on the back of his thighs, the chill from the walls seeping into his shirt and unto his back.

_He… he won’t leave me…_

_Right?_

_He promised me._

_He promised me._

_All those years ago…_

_He told me he’ll never leave._

_Tetsurou, please…_

_Oh god._

_The papers…_

_Don’t tell me… they’re not divorce papers… right?_

_Tetsurou wouldn’t._

_Please._

_He left. He looks so tired…_

_He looks so so tired._

_It’s my fault._

_I don’t want this._

_Please._

_Take me back._

_Tetsurou, take me back._

_I miss you._

_Don’t leave me._

_Please._

_Who is she?_

_She’s not … I’m … am I being replaced...?_

_Have I been replaced…?_

_Does she take care of him now…?_

_Is she where he spends the night?_

_With her?_

_In her arms?_

_Are they… are they—_

_No._

_No. no no. tetsu—_

_Tetsurou wouldn’t cheat._

_I know he won’t._

_He’s not like that._

_He’ll never do that._

_…_

_…_

_Knowing him, he would… he would end things with me first._

_Oh… god no…_

_He… wouldn’t… please…no…_

Kei bolted from the floor and slumped on the toilet seat, dry heaving as he felt sick from his stomach. He continued to retch even when he throws up nothing but liquid. He stayed hunched beside the seat, coughing and desperately wiping away his tears. He could barely see anything clearly now, he left his glasses on the bedside table earlier, and the tears made it harder to see his surroundings.

He shakily got up to wash his mouth, the rancid taste reminding him how pitiful he is.

_Pathetic._

He brushed his teeth and gurgled three cups of mouthwash, blindly placing the cup back on their shelf. Unable to see clearly, Kei missed how the tiny vase moved unto the edge as he pushed the cup between the shampoo bottles. He accidentally slammed his arm against the sink as he jolted from surprise due to the crash. The tiny porcelain now scattered in pieces near his feet, and he could feel tiny pinpricks of pain on his right ankle.

Kei drops to his knees, unable to comprehend what he should do now.

His mind is a fuzzy place, his stomach feels sick, his arm is throbbing, he could feel the tiny trickle of blood on his foot, his eyes are stinging, he couldn’t breathe, and everything feels wrong.

His chest feels so tight.

_It hurts… it hurts too much… please Tetsurou…_

Kei swiped his palm on the tiled floor, brushing the scattered broken pieces aside. He ignored the pain he felt shooting up his hand as he sat on the floor, under the low hanging shelf.

His sobs turned uncontrollable, watery and gut-wrenching.

He could hear the hoarseness of his voice every time he lets out tiny gasps and moans. He thumps his fist against his chest, willing the ache to go. He’d rather feel physical pain than the torment he feels strangling his heart.

He screams.

Raspy and pained.

He screams as his let the tears flow freely, streaks running down his cheeks, soaking the collar of his now rumpled shirt.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_Tetsurou._

_Stay._

_Please…please stay, Tetsurou._

_I can’t …_

_I can’t, Tetsu, not without you…_

_Without you… tetsurou…_

_I can’t do this…_

_It will wreck me._

_I can’t lose you._

_I promised I’d stay._

_Forever and a lifetime, tetsurou._

_You vowed under the moonlight, with me._

_Did you forget…?_

_You promised me, you held my hand and told me that you’ll never let go._

_I promised you the same and more._

_We … it has always been us;_

_…. will it now only be you and I …?_

_Tetsurou… don’t you love me anymore…?_

Tetsurou didn’t know how long he sat inside his car, seatbelt unbuckled and engine off.

From the moment he opened their front door till now, he hasn’t stopped crying.

_It hurts._

_Damn it._

_Can’t he… can’t he at least look even a little bit bothered?_

_Does he still care?_

_Does he?_

_Is it … over?_

_Is it really over for them?_

_It’s been more than half a year since the fall out…did I…_

_Did I wait too long…?_

_What was I waiting for in the first place…?_

_Was it … was it worth all these…?_

_Did I waste, half a year, for nothing?_

_Why?_

_Why did I … why didn’t he…_

_Why did we…_

_What…_

_What happened to us, Kei…?_

_Can I… can we still fix this…?_

_Am I too late?_

_Did he …_

Tetsurou lets out a whimper, remembering Kei’s ringless finger, the bruise on Kei’s lower lip…

_Did… did Kei find someone new…?_

_Was there someone who took care of him?_

_Was there someone else when he couldn’t?_

_Was there someone else when he’s not there…?_

_To hold his hand… to hug him tight… to kiss him…_

_That would explain how cold he is… how he doesn’t care… how unaffected he is…_

_But…_

_No._

_No, no._

_Kei, Kei is not like that…_

_His Kei would never do something like that… no matter how … how excruciating their situation has become…_

_He promised._

_He held my hand._

_He held my hand first, all those years ago._

_And I—_

_Oh god, I … I was the one who let his hand go._

Tetsurou leans against the driver seat, both hands coming up to cover his face as he sobbed miserably. He remembers Kei’s apathetic gaze, hollow and dull.

_It’s my fault, I did this to him, I did this to us, oh god, what have I done?_

_No, please, will you still accept me…?_

_Can I still come back…?_

_I want to come back, Kei… will you still hold me…?_

_Please…_

_Please…_

_Please…_

_I can’t do this without you, love._

_I can’t –_

Tetsurou gasps as he remembered how panicked he was, thinking Kei got involved in an accident. How he thought his last memory of Kei would be his back, small and fragile, turned away from him, on their bed, within his reach but so far apart.

How he thought the last time he’d see his husband’s eyes would be from a stolen glance at their bathroom mirror, through the slightly blurry reflection.

How the last time he’d hear his voice would be a dismissive utterance telling him “I’ll be late, don’t wait for me.” Tetsurou remembers that phrase very clearly, even if it was almost a month ago.

It’s jarring to think his most recent memory of Kei’s voice was several weeks ago.

How the last time he’d feel his warmth would be three months ago, that night he felt Kei move under their shared blanket. How he kept his eyes closed as he felt the bed dip, how he remained still as he felt his husbands’ arms hesitantly wrap around him. How he tried not to cry as he felt how warm the embrace was, how comforting it was to feel his husbands’ heartbeat, how broken he was as he felt Kei tremble quietly behind him. How he missed their closeness, how it felt safe within his husband’s arms. How panicked he was when he felt him slowly slipping away, withdrawing as softly as he came.

Tetsurou remembered how he continued to pretend he was asleep, scared as Kei might not do it again once he knew he was fully aware, and Tetsurou would do anything to feel his embrace again, even if it meant he’d feign ignorance.

He remembered how he pressed most of his face unto his pillow, hiding his tears and muffling his whimpers, hoping he won’t be heard over the sound of water spraying from the shower.

He remembers that was the same day his boss told him and his department were to stay overtime to officially start a new project. How it continued like that for the next couple of weeks.

It was frightening to think that it could have been the last time he’d feel Kei’s warmth, but what’s more heart breaking, was that Tetsurou wasn’t there to keep Kei from the cold.

Tetsurou thinks back to when he thought he lost Kei, how his world seems to crumble under his feet. How he couldn’t think of anything else besides _Kei, Kei, his beautiful and sweet Kei_. Thinking how his husband laid on the rough unforgiving concrete floor, alone and broken. Thinking how he’d never be able to see his husband’s smile again. Thinking how he would never see his eyes twinkle with glee every time their eyes meet.

He felt as if life wasn’t worth living for anymore.

The thought of Kei dying alone, the thought of Kei dying feeling unloved, abandoned and desolate, shook Tetsurou into an uncoordinated frenzy.

Thinking how any moment could be their last, how their time wasn’t something to be taken for granted, how he could really lose Kei without warning.

_Kei. I have to talk to him._

_I have to._

_By gods, I have to._

_I have to tell him._

_Tell him I love him._

_Tell him I miss him._

_How I longed to hold him again._

_Tell him that I’m still here._

_I’m still here._

Tetsurou furiously rubbed his eyes, wiping his tears as he tried to find his keys, planning to fetch Kei from school. As he leaned side-wards to reach for the briefcase he carelessly threw on the passenger’s seat, he noticed another car beside his.

He couldn’t remember how long he spent crying inside his car; it must have been a while. A quick glance at his watch confirms that he spent nearly twenty minutes locked inside. He knew by this time Kei would be driving halfway to school already. Yet, he could still see Kei’s car parked beside him.

Not a moment was wasted as he got out of the car, slamming it closed. It took a bit of fumbling to insert the key properly, but as he finally entered their house, he was surrounded by the sounds of muffled crying.

Tetsurou stood frozen, hand still clutching the knob, as he listened to Kei’s wails.

A broken scream wakes Tetsurou up from his frozen state, running towards the sound as fast as his legs could take him. He wrenched the bathroom door open and seeing his lover on the cold floor huddled under the shelf, wide and vulnerable red-rimmed eyes staring at him in surprise, it felt like he was struck violently in the heart.

Without sparing a single second, Tetsurou lunged at Kei, arms wide open, prepared to scoop him up and hold him tight. Kei met him halfway, managing to kneel up before Tetsurou could reach him, arms outstretched, desperately clinging unto his husband’s back.

Another fresh wave of wrecked wails spilled out from Kei’s trembling lips, his tears falling freely as he felt Tetsurou’s body shake with uncontrolled sobs. They sat on the tiled floor of their bathroom; hands fisted so tight as their bodies pressed together as if to mend each other’s broken pieces. Cries mixed with jumbled phrases;

“Tetsu— Tetsurou, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please—”

“Kei, love, Kei, I’m sorry, please don’t cry anymore Kei—”

“don’t leave me, don’t leave Tetsu—”

“I’m here, Kei, I’m here. With you. I— Kei, I’m so sorry, I’m not leaving—”

“I’m so sorry Tetsu— I can’t… I— without you I couldn’t… please”

Tetsurou breaks after very desperate pleas, he leans back, dragging Kei with him. He reaches up as he pulled Kei’s face upwards, hands cradling his face gently. Tetsurou wiped away the tears streaming down his husband’s face, finally seeing those golden-brown orbs looking back at him. He notices how Kei’s lip wobble, eyebrows pinching in the middle and eyes filling up with tears.

Tetsurou cups Kei’s face with careful hands, holding him as he plants kisses upon kisses on his forehead, his eyelids, on the middle of his eyebrows, his temples, on his cheeks, his jaw, at the tip of his nose.

He watched in awe as Kei parts his lips slightly when he used his thumb to brush the small bruise,

“Tetsurou, please—"

Kei’s pleas get cut off as Tetsurou hurriedly pressed their lips together, and again, and again, and again. Their lips dance in a frantic tempo full of gasps and bites, hands roaming to touch as much as they could reach.

Tetsurou poured everything onto his kisses, all the longing, the pain, the anxiety, the worry, the love, and the relief.

_Finally. Finally, oh gods Kei—_

Kei whimpered as he tried to press even closer, arms anchoring his husband’s body onto him, he could feel the harsh tingling of his lips from the onslaught of Tetsurou’s kisses, hungered and aching.

“I missed you— _kiss_ — kei— I missed— _kiss_ — you— _kiss_ — so— _kiss_ — fucking much— _kiss_ ”

Kei lets out a shuddered gasp, he gulps as much as he could when Tetsurou’s lips moved to trace soft kisses on the edges of his lip, alternating from gliding his tongue at the seam of his lower lip and pressing small chaste pecks.

“Tetsurou… I love you… I love you; I don’t want you to leave me, Tetsu—”

Kei abruptly stops as he straightened up, he untangled his hands from Tetsurou’s back and urgently placed them on each side of his husband’s cheeks, he locked his tear strained eyes on the equally wet gaze of his husband, speaking with conviction and possessiveness.

“You… you are not going to leave me. You are not allowed to leave me, Tetsurou. Not now, not tomorrow. Never, okay? Never. Don’t ever let go of my hand. Promise me, please. Promise me, again.”

Tetsurou’s gaze softens as he felt the strong grip of the hands currently cradling his face, as he heard the desperation in Kei’s voice, as he sees the steeled resolve painted on his eyes. He smiles a wide toothed grin, his eyes crinkling from sheer happiness.

“I promise, Kei. I promise I won’t ever let go. I promise. I love you. Kei, I love you.”

“I was so scared— I thought, I thought you’ve finally had enough, that you—”

Just like that, Kei’s eyes began to water again, pouring all those wasted months’ worth of tears, burying his face in the crook of his husband’s neck. Tetsurou kept Kei on his lap, slightly rocking him back and forth as he whispered soft reassurance unto Kei’s hair.

Tetsurou has his left cheek pressed on Kei’s soft blonde locks, gently swaying as he felt Kei’s body slump further against him. The soft sniffles became quiet as his husband drifted to sleep.

After a few minutes of staring unseeingly at their blue tiled wall, Tetsurou gingerly carries his husband onto their bed. He noticed the small drops of blood on the floor, and he hurriedly placed Kei down on the soft mattress. He got up to get some change of clothes for Kei, but he felt a small tug on his sleeve. Kei’s eyes were partly open, and Tetsurou had to stop himself from breaking down again.

He cards his hand through the blond strands partly covering his husband’s eyes, “I’m here, love. I’m here. I’ll just go get clean clothes for you.”

He waited patiently as the hold loosened hesitantly, eyes focused on the dried blood smeared between Kei’s fragile fingers.

He chose the comfiest shirt he owns, along with Kei’s favourite pyjama pants, hoping that the familiar feel would help Kei calm down. A flash of red caught his eye as he went back inside their bathroom to get their first aid kit. There he stared at his reflection; faint prints of blood marked his cheek. He looked like a mess, but it was the best he felt in months.

Carefully, he replaced his husband’s damp clothing with a clean one, putting extra effort not to jostle him too much. He sat down on the floor beside the bed, looking for tweezers and a bottle of antiseptic. One by one, he removes the tiny shards poking out of Kei’s skin, wiping the dried blood using a damp cloth, then sterilizing the wound with firm dabs. He placed a kiss on every band aid he sticks unto Kei’s hand. He does the same to the ones on Kei’s ankle.

After checking if Kei was asleep, Testurou went and grabbed his things from his car then locked their front door. He typed a quick message to his boss, explaining that he’ll be having an emergency day off, as well as sending an email to his husband’s department head, notifying her that Kei would not be coming to school today.

Tetsurou changed his clothes before joining Kei, dragging an extra blanket from their closet. He drapes the blanket over their bodies and pulled Kei in his arms. Immediately, he felt Kei turn over to face him and snuggled closer, hands grasping his shirt.

For the first time in seven months, they slept tangled together and somehow, the world seemed a little bit better.

Tetsurou woke up by the sound of their bedroom window rattling due to the harsh wind and rain outside. Their room is currently painted grey, their bedside clock displaying that is was only fifteen minutes past three in the afternoon. The blanket kept them warm as the temperature dropped significantly as the storm rumbled on.

Turning side wards to face his sleeping lover, he reached out for his left hand. He could see clear contrasts as he compares their hands, he held the pale and delicate looking hand softly, never minding the absence of his ring as he continued to caress and trace the skin; he glides his thumb over Kei’s knuckles, _he looks so frail. He hasn’t been eating well. He lost weight._

He presses a gentle kiss on each knuckle, on each fingertip, repeatedly on his palm, and a lingering press on his inner wrist.

He placed Kei’s hand on his face, feeling the smooth warm hand against his cheek. Attention never leaving his husband’s face, noting the tear lines faintly staining the edges of his eyes.

It took more than a few minutes of staring did Tetsurou finally decide that Kei should eat something, after he remembers how light Kei was when he carried him. Slowly detaching himself from Kei’s hold, he was about to leave the bed when he felt arms wrap around his torso.

“no… tetsu…” he heard Kei grumble sleepily, nuzzling at the back of his neck.

“I’ll make food, baby, you have to eat something…” he whispered.

“stay, please… I’m not hungry…just come back to bed”

“promise we’ll eat later then?”

“promise…”

Tetsurou laughs quietly, how he missed this. He then turned around and hoisted his husband upwards, letting him plop his head on the pillow. He leans on his side, right arm propping him up as he laid sideways facing his now awake husband.

“good morning, love…” he greets his lover, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled.

“good morning…it’s afternoon though, isn’t it…?” Kei quipped playfully.

“yeah, it is” he replied, equally goofy. “did you sleep well?”

Kei hums an affirmation, “mhmm… best sleep I had since… well, some time ago…”

“hmmm… we have to talk about this properly… I think we’ve let it on for far too long already.”

“that’s an understatement… but yeah, I want to fix this, fix us, tetsu…”

“we will, love. We’re already patching things one by one. Shall I… speak first…?”

Kei intertwines their hands together before giving an encouraging nod.

Tetsurou pulls their linked hands unto his chest,

“I’m sure you remember that night, when it all started getting messy. That day went so wrong, I went to work to see a badly written resignation letter on my desk, it was from my secretary, and he left with only half of his work finished. Paperwork piled up so much I barely had time to eat, and when I don’t eat, I often get headaches, which again added to the whole shit scenario. Then in the afternoon, my boss came down to my office with a huge business proposal he wanted me to manage. I can’t exactly refuse, and when I agreed, he immediately asked me to come with him.”

“I thought we’d be going to his office to get more documents, so I left my case, and my phone was kept inside the drawer. Turns out he’s taking me to the company headquarters who offered this proposal, we were already down so I wasn’t allowed to go back up and grab my things. The impromptu meeting took so long, we had to visit a lot of department offices and meet a ton of people. It was nearing midnight when we finished, and my headache got so bad I could barely restrain myself from spouting sarcasm.”

“The ride back to the office took twice the time it took to get there, the traffic was worse the closer we get to the main road, and when we returned I had to organize all the files laying around in my office that by the time I got home it was already two in the morning. My phone was dead, so I couldn’t message you immediately.”

“When I saw you sleeping on that chair, I felt so bad, for keeping you waiting, for not being able to message you. I was going to carry you to bed, but you woke up and as I prepare my apology and explanation, you spoke first, and in my prissy state I took it out on you. I’m sorry, I should’ve been more understanding. I know you were just worried, I would too if it were me, and internally I understood. But I let my anger take control and I just, well, I sounded like an inconsiderate asshole.”

“After that, I remember you storming off, and I knew I should’ve gone after you. I should’ve tried to even the creases out just when it was just a measly fold. But I let you sleep alone even when I was just an arms distance away. I decided to take the day off, hoping I could make it up to you. I planned to talk to you that morning, but you were already gone when I woke up. So, I just waited for you, but then you didn’t come home that night.”

“I admit, the first thought that came to my mind was you being petty. I thought you were probably doing this to get back at me. For a short while I believed that, and the frustration from the day before bled into the present until it became a whole jumbled mess of negative emotions.”

“The next day, my boss kept me on my toes again. This time, we had a meeting with every department in the building. It was exhausting. I came home late, and I was half hoping you’ll wait for me again, so we could finally talk. But you were already asleep when I came home, and normally I’d be relieved to know you won’t be sleep deprived in the morning. That hopeless feeling just kept on growing.”

“I was surprised you didn’t even touch the strawberry cake I got you. I started being petty after that, purposely leaving important stuff so that you’ll see. I wanted you to be curious, to ask me. But, well, we didn’t talk. Everything spiraled down after that. After a month I had to go for that business trip, and that wedged a bigger screw between us. We started to develop schedules where we’ll be home when the other isn’t and vice versa. Our conversations became curt and snappy, until there were barely any words exchanged.”

“The last three months I decided to drown myself in work, the project I started on got big and there was so much left to handle before the deadline. We started doing overtime work, especially the team handling big responsibilities. We just finished recently, just yesterday. The meeting was scheduled exactly one in the afternoon, but fifteen minutes before I was needed, my secretary told me news about the accident down that intersection.”

“The way she described it filled me with dread, and I kept calling you. I really thought it was you, and I was so fucking terrified I couldn’t think straight. Sawamura managed to talk to me before I got out of the building, explaining how Sugawara assured him it wasn’t actually you.”

“I calmed down a bit, feeling the tightness leave my body as I receive your message. It only contained my name, but it made me so happy and relieved. It has been a while since you called me that. I was about to reply, but my boss suddenly approached me, the executives in tow. They began asking me stuff and I couldn’t message you anymore. The timing was so off.”

“I came home last night, and as I always do, I sit beside your side of the bed and watch you sleep. I may have cried last night as I thought of the reason why you’d remove your ring. I thought you got tired of me and our seemingly broken relationship. I stared at that tiny bruise on the side of your lip, thinking of any possible scenarios for it. I was really convinced you found someone else.”

“This morning, my secretary called, who, by the way— couldn’t understand simple instructions. I wouldn’t ever let her call me that, but I wanted to see your reaction. I thought that maybe, I could get any strong emotion from you that would tell me you still care. But you didn’t, your face remained blank, and it hurt seeing how unaffected and uninterested you are. I was blinded by my conviction that I didn’t see the signs, your slightly clenched fists, the tightness in your jaw, and the subtle way your body stiffens. The signs were all there, I just wasn’t looking. I’m sorry, love.”

“I stormed out earlier, stayed inside the car, how I thought about leaving and drown myself again with work. But leaving, that time, felt so final. As if setting foot outside our home will finally be that step which solidifies our end. And I didn’t want that. I remember how fleeting life could be for the both of us, that one day, we might not be able to fix this in time. It scared me. So much. Thinking about you getting involved in an accident terrified me. Losing you, it felt like life wouldn’t be worth living anymore. “

“I’m so sorry. I know half of all this happened because of a misunderstanding, but a stubborn part of me wanted to prolong this fight just to see who crumbles first. And that was so selfish of me. I promised not to hurt you yet for the past seven months that’s all I did. I’m sorry, love, I’m so very sorry. I understand if you can’t see to forgive me now, I’ll work hard to make it up to you, for you, for us.”

He could feel his husband’s finger wiping away the silent tears that fell, eyes open and understanding.

“Come here, Tetsurou” Kei whispered as he motioned for him to snuggle. “I love you. I never stopped, and I never will. Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here. You have me, love, I’m here, and I love you so so much.”

With Tetsurou’s face pressed against Kei’s chest, his replies are muffled phrases telling Kei how he loves him just as much.

Kei felt Tetsurou move his head forward, resting his cheek on his chest, just above his heart. His nose was a bit red, and he was still sniffling, but he was smiling all the same.

“You can tell me your side now, Kei…”

“...alright” He says, before placing a lingering kiss on top of Tetsurou’s head.

“That day went normal for me; I was actually in a good mood. I went home and thought I’d make you your favorite dinner. I guess I was hoping far too much when my day went without a hitch since it all crumbled down after sundown. I had to recook the fish twice, the rice burned at the bottom when I forgot to lower the fire, the fish wasn’t edible and I had to get another. At that point it was well into the night and I was rushing because I thought you’ll be home soon.”

“I salvaged what I could with the rice, but it probably still smelled burnt. The fish was either too soggy or too hard, and it irritated me so much. I set the plates and stuff, then waited. The food sat on the table for an hour.”

“By midnight, I had them kept and placed back inside the pots. You weren’t even answering my messages, and I kept calling until my call never connected anymore. I thought you turned your phone off on purpose. It irked me, thinking if you were that busy all you could do was just message me and let me know.”

“After another hour of waiting, I must have dozed off. When I woke up with you right in front of me, I was so relieved, but the way I said it wasn’t nice at all. I didn’t know why I snapped, and I was about to apologise when answered in a way that made me recoil. You sounded so exhausted but your tone set me off. That time I got upset since all the waiting and worrying I did seem invalidated.”

“After I stormed off, I waited for you to confront me so we could talk about it… but you didn’t, and I was so used to you approaching an issue that I didn’t know what to do when you didn’t. I got so spoiled, I’m sorry for that. I went to school early the following day, I was going to finish all my paper works so I could come home early. But half way through the day, Yamaguchi called, he was frantically explaining how his boss needed him for an emergency that night, and since Yachi was out of town for a week, there was no one to take care of the twins. I agreed, so I hurriedly told my supervisor I’ll be taking the half day off, I arrived just in time to fetch them from day care, and took them home immediately. When you kept calling, I was too busy trying to feed them their dinner, and I sent you a text. But I realized it doesn’t explain anything. “

“I didn’t plan on staying, but Yamaguchi got home so late that I just decided to crash there that night. I saw the cake when I got home, and I was so tempted to eat a slice or two…but I decided to wait for you, so we could eat together. But you were late again, so I just went and moped on our bed. We didn’t talk that day, and I thought you were angry at me, and I couldn’t handle that at all…”

“I … I stubbornly waited for you … for you to talk to me, for you to hug me and tell me it’s all alright. Tell me you’re no longer angry. I waited and waited until it got to the point where I was unsure wait I was waiting for anymore. And that’s the worst decision I’ve ever had, I should have been the one to approach. I should’ve spoke to you first. It stretched out for far too long I don’t know how and where to start.”

“Yesterday, that day of the accident… I was there. I… I saw it happened right in front of me”

Kei felt his husband hug him tighter as he recalls the events that plagues his mind till now.

“I thought if I didn’t step on the breaks in time, I would’ve been – I … I might’ve … I could have left you, Tetsu… and that scared me, more than the pain I’d physically feel, it would hurt me much more if I ended up leaving you.”

“Kaede-san and Suga-san suggested I go home early that day, but… the house is empty. I don’t want to be alone in our home. So, I – ah. My ring! I left my ring inside my bag. I removed it since we did Lab that day, I forgot to put it on. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for everything, Tetsu, I shouldn’t have yapped at you in the first place…”

Tetsurou brushed his thumb on the softness of Kei’s cheek before kissing his forehead.

“I’m sorry too, love. I should’ve been more understanding…” Tetsurou whispered, “Will you ever forgive me?”

“As long as you forgive me, too, Tetsu…”

A gentle kiss, two, three…

“let’s promise we’d communicate better… we won’t ever leave a problem unresolved, promise we’ll never sleep angry at each other.”

“I promise, Tetsu…”

...

...

The slow decent of their lips further incites the anticipation bubbling underneath their skin.

The final wisp of tension vanished unto the grey afternoon, replaced by charged atmosphere slowly thrumming onto places where their bodies touch.

The exhilarating feel was further encouraged by the sensual glide of their tongues together and the feathery scrape of their fingernails on every unclothed skin.

Tetsurou rolled over, now on his forearms encasing Kei’s face, knees planted on each side of his hip, mouth hollowing as he sucked on Kei’s tongue.

He felt the warm press of Kei’s palms on the small of his back, slipping underneath the soft cotton material of his shirt, before slowly bunching it upwards over his shoulder blades. Understanding his unspoken command, Tetsurou left a final swipe on Kei’s lower lip, before sitting back on his hunches, staring down at Kei with eyes hooded with hunger as he pulled his shirt from the back.

After carelessly throwing the black garment aside, Tetsurou wasted no time as he went back to abusing his husband’s lips with his own. The slow lip lock kept them occupied, neither of them in a rush, letting the heat burn brighter with thinly-veiled excitement and desire.

The room was likened to a grey canvass, surrounded by the sound of rain tapping on their roof and their harsh breathing, and for a while it remained like that, up until they were interrupted by the sound of Kei’s grumbling stomach.

Tetsurou abruptly separated their interlocked lips, surprised eyes looking at Kei’s embarrassed ambers with glee. He watched his husband’s flushed face turn a deeper shade of red, his lips fixed on a tiny pout, seemingly straining not to smile. Tetsurou buries his face on the space between Kei’s neck and shoulders, muffling his laughter, reveling at his husband’s adorable antics.

“Alright, love. Time for you to eat.” Tetsurou announces as he leaned up, stretching his arms forward to rest his hands on the head board. He saw Kei’s glance down, focus clearly on the straining tent on his sweatpants.

Smirking, Tetsurou softly grinded on him once, and it was enough to snap Kei’s attention back on his face, Kei’s puffy bottom lip now trapped between his teeth, eyes hooded yet clear.

“Later, baby.”

Tetsurou rose from the bed, determined to have Kei eat something solid, yet it seemed as if his husband was hellbent on making him rethink his decision as he watched the way Kei turned over, eyes locked on him as he enticingly pulled his leg forward, slightly raising his ass before leaning back to rest on his hands and knees, playfully swaying his hips side to side.

He’s proud to declare that he’s only human, and his husband is one dangerous weapon, his weakness and salvation in one. So, it was no surprise when barely resisted and prowled onto the teasing figure perched on their bed. Without breaking eye contact, he landed a firm slap on Kei’s rump. He watched as Kei gasped soundlessly in surprise, Tetsurou’s gaze straying to focus on Kei’s parted lips. His hand moved downwards to slip his index and middle finger in between Kei’s ass cheeks, gaze never leaving as he followed way Kei’s tongue sensually curled upwards.

Tetsurou dragged his palm upwards, branding Kei’s back with his touch, he tangled his fingers lightly on Kei’s hair as he reached his head, before lowering to wrap his fingers around Kei’s neck, thumb pressing underneath his jaw, squeezing once before tracing his thumb upwards.

Tetsurou released a drawn-out sigh as he felt Kei tenderly kiss the finger pressed against his lips, “love…”

Kei lets out a soft moan after hearing his husbands growl, eyes fluttering to a close as he felt Tetsurou’s thumb slip inside his mouth. He opened his eyes to take in the way his husband loses a little bit more of his self-control as he wrapped his lips around the digit and sucked.

Tetsurou moans in appreciation as he felt Kei twirl his tongue around his finger before sinking his teeth teasingly, Tetsurou eyes looked absolutely pleased as he suddenly plunged in, prompting Kei to open his mouth with a breathless _ah!_

He leaned forward as he trapped Kei’s tongue between his thumb and pointer finger, pulling the soft muscle out, before licking at it once, twice, thrice—

“ _later. Baby._ ” He whispers resolutely, before getting up.

Tetsurou pinches his husband’s cheek before tucking lose strand behind his ear, before leaving the room, leaving Kei panting on their bed.

After calming himself, Kei got up to follow his husband. Steps light and sprightly, he passed by his desk and saw his husband’s discarded shirt draped over his book bag, suddenly remembered his ring.

Now with the gold band on his finger, Kei felt complete again loving the gold glinting on his finger. He exchanged his shirt with the one Tetsurou wore before shimmying his pyjama pants down, leaving him in with his boxers on.

_Now time to wear some socks…_

Tetsurou smiled as he heard his husband’s soft steps from behind him, eyes never leaving the pan as he flips the egg he’s currently cooking. Pale arms encircled his torso, before moving up to splay both hands on his pectorals. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he felt a warm wet lick on his nape up to the back of his earlobe, followed by a nip, which turned into open mouthed bites as Kei’s mouth travelled towards his shoulder.

“Tetsu, love, I’m hungry… hurry, please?” Kei purred.

Tetsurou felt his dick twitch after hearing his husband’s breathy pleas, the double meaning behind his words wasn’t lost on him, especially with those delicate hands squeezing his chest.

“Go take a seat baby, I’m almost done.”

With a harsh suck on his husband’s neck, Kei squeezed once more before trailing his hands down Tetsurou’s body, slipping his fingers inside his sweats, effectively pulling them lower, exposing that strong V and Tetsurou’s happy trail that he loves so much. “Yes daddy…” he murmurs, before placing a quick peck on his husband’s cheek then removing his touch completely.

He saunters away, no longer needing to look back to see if his husband is watching him. He could feel the dark stare heavy on his back side, and Kei revels in the feeling.

Passing by their dinner table as he perched on top of their kitchen counter, legs swinging in a show of innocence, tilting his head to the side as he waited patiently.

Their once bare kitchen now surrounded by the smell of food, and Kei thought, for the nth time after Tetsurou hugged him, _I’m finally home._

Tetsurou leaned against the counter, situating himself between Kei’s knees, offering him the egg sandwich.

“I can’t believe you’re feeding me egg in a sandwich when you could’ve given it to me raw.”

“My baby is so feisty; you must really be… starving…”

“I could prove it to you right now, Tetsu…”

“Finish your food first, love. You’ll need the energy.”

“Eat with me.”

Tetsurou grins, surging forward to take a bite, but Kei moved it away just in time, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“What do you say, Tetsurou…?”

“Baby, please?”

Kei grins, eyes twinkling as he takes a portion, offering a piece by hand. He watched as it disappeared inside Tetsurou’s mouth, along with his fingers.

Finishing the food took them longer than normal, with all the occasional teasing touches and banter.

They could feel the anticipation coming back with vengeance as Kei drank in the image of his husband as he gulps down the rest of the water bottle he offered Kei a while ago, neck barred and tempting, Kei’s eyes following the droplet as it trailed down down down until it reached the waistband of his husband’s boxers.

_He’s a goddamn work of art. A fucking masterpiece._

By the predatory smile on Tetsurou’s face, Kei knew his husband knows his thoughts very well.

Their bubble was interrupted by the shrill ringing of their doorbell, the unexpected sound loud against the backdrop of rain. As Tetsurou turned towards the door, Kei lets out an amused snort.

“Are you letting whoever’s at the door see you like that?”

Tetsurou twists his upper body and pointed at the array of hickeys painting his neck, “I’m letting them know how my baby misbehaves”

“I meant your dick, pull your pants up.”

Kei busied himself by looking at those two dimples on Tetsurou’s lower back, until he hears his husband utter someone’s name in surprise.

Now, usually, Kei isn’t a jealous person, and Tetsurou always made sure he never felt the need to be, but the name _Tachibana-san_ strikes a nerve that got him off the counter in no time.

He was already near enough to hear her, “o-oh, Tetsu-kun, hi, um, wow—"

He could see Tetsurou slowly backing off behind the opened door, posture rigid as he senses Kei’s cold stare.

“Who is it, love?” He lets out as he wraps his arms around his husband, resting his chin on Tetsurou’s shoulder.

“Baby I—”

“Aren’t you gonna introduce us, Tetsu?” Kei interrupts, eyes never leaving the woman in front of him.

“Kei, baby, this is Tachibana-san, my new secretary…”

“oh? The one on the phone this morning?” By this, Kei could see her flinch as she lowered her gaze.

“mhmm… Tachibana-san, this is Kei, my husband.” He could hear the unwavering tone in his husband’s voice, prompting her to raise her head.

“Nice to meet you, K-Kuroo-san…”

Kei knows he doesn’t have the capability to feel sorry even if she spoke meekly, so he doesn’t.

“And what does secretary-san want so bad she had to come here in this weather …?

He watched as she lowered her gaze; her gaze was far too low.

Tetsurou flinched as he felt the elastic of his underwear snap against his skin when Kei pulled his pants up, away from the raunchy eyes of the woman. Said woman jolting as she flushed red, muttered a jumbled apology, before heading straight to her car, driving into the grey landscape.

The door shut closed, lock sliding right after.

Kei pushed Tetsurou against door, hands burying in his husband’s black hair, as he hungrily kissed him breathless. He felt hands palming his ass as he grinded forward, their erections pressing against each other.

One of his hands griped Tetsurou’s hair, pulling him back as Kei lavished open-mouthed kisses on his exposed neck, licking and biting every unmarked surface, teeth gently scraping over his collar bones. Hands dragging down to latch onto the hard expanse of Tetsurou’s back as his mouth travelled downwards. Not leaving any part of his tan canvass untouched as he licks, nips and bites— _lick, nip, bite, kiss, bite, kiss, lick, bite, suck._ A continuous and unpredictable sequence that drags Tetsurou further and further away from rationality.

A resounding thud echoed as Tetsurou threw he head back against the door, eyes staring down at Kei, tongue swirling around his erect nipple, then trailing downwards to pepper the hard contours of his abdomen, all the while his fingernails scrape lines downwards.

Hands slipping inside the confines of his boxers, Tetsurou gasps as Kei pushes his crotch forward, his face nuzzling the prominent tent. He could feel the warmth seeping through clothing as Kei drags his tongue from the base to the tip of his length.

Kei paused his ministrations, taking time to kneel properly, before pulling Tetsurou’s pants down to his ankles.

“Kei, baby, please” he groaned as the sight before him was nearly too much.

Kei looked up at his husband through his lashes, lips curling upwards in a knowing smirk as he breathed purposely unto the head of his cock.

He could feel goose bumps rise on Tetsurou’s leg as he traced one finger from his left calf up to his straining thigh, letting it linger for a moment, before placing the same finger against Tetsurou’s slit, smearing precum all around the redden head.

Kei used that single finger to keep Tetsurou’s cock in place before running his tongue along the underside, repeating the motion until he the length was covered with a slightly wet sheen. He continued to tease his husband by rubbing his lips against him, before running the finger down the base and then wrapping his fingers around.

Tetsurou choked out a moan as Kei finally swallows him down, mouth stretched wide as he tried to accommodate as much as he could. He hummed as he felt Tetsurou’s dick twitch, a heady taste on his tongue, before pulling it out. He repeats the motion, alternating between fast and slow, left hand stroking where his mouth couldn’t reach, other hand gripping Tetsurou’s leg for balance.

With the hand pulling at his hair, Kei knows his husband was near his limit, so he doubles up the speed on his hand, mouth now enclosing the head, sucking eagerly.

“yes, baby, like that, ah—fuck, _fuck”_

Kei teases the slit with his tongue as he heard Tetsurou’s pleasured gasps, the tightening grip on his hair was the only warning he got before Tetsurou’s hands came and held him by the back of his head, shoving his cock as far as Kei could take. Kei blinks the tears forming as he struggled not to gag.

He felt the hold on his hair loosen as Tetsurou slowly pulled out, a string of combined saliva and semen falling onto Kei’s lip.

Before Kei could swallow, he felt two of Tetsurou’s fingers slid inside his mouth, scrapping a bit of the liquid out before kissing him, intoxicatingly wet and messy.

With a final nip on his bottom lip, Kei was jostled up by the arm, and he lets himself be manhandled as he was led towards the sofa. Tetsurou yanks down his boxers just enough to release his manhood before he gets pushed on one of the arm chairs, falling on his forearms with his bare ass up.

“Tets—ahh!”

Kei lets out a choked-out version of Tetsurou’s name as slick fingers prod at his pucker, teasing the rim before plunging one long finger up to the knuckles, rubbing his insides repeatedly in gentle strokes.

Kei groans as Tetsurou slips a second finger, scissoring and curling inside him. The slow push and pull of said digits were enough to send Kei into a quivering mess, rock hard and dripping. It was obscene, nothing else to it.

Said fingers shoved deep before spreading him, hole twitching in anticipation. A hand went around to pump his cock, Tetsurou’s tongue slipping between his fingers. The overall stimulation had Kei screaming, clutching the cushions for something to hold onto, hips rutting back and forth, chasing his fast-approaching release.

Tetsurou gripped the base of Kei’s dick to halt his impending orgasm, removing his fingers as he bit the soft flesh underneath Kei’s cheek. Kei whimpered, wrecked and unsatisfied, hoarsely begging for Tetsurou to _please please please let me finish fuck Tetsu please—_ , it made Tetsurou grin even wider.

Tetsurou gathered his husband in his arms, removing his shirt and tucking his leaking cock back inside his boxers, before hoisting him up on his shoulders. Kei lets out a screech as he was suddenly carried, hands coming up to keep his glasses from falling.

He slowly drops Kei on top their sheets, looking flushed and _goddamn pulchritudinous._

“Beautiful, you’re so breathtakingly ethereal Kei, I can’t believe your mine. All mine. My sweet sweet firefly.”

Kei smiles as he heard the endearing words, eyes twinkling in delight as he met Tetsurou’s soft gaze.

“I’m all yours, love…” Kei replied, hands reaching up above his head to hold onto the head boards.

Slowly, Kei bent his knees and spread his legs wide. “…now take me.”

“minx.” Tetsurou grins, approaching the bed after getting the bottle of lube from one of the drawers, leaning forward to trail his hand on Kei’s sock-clad ankle. He sits between Kei’s feet, planting kisses from Kei’s knees downward until he felt the fabric touch his lips, pealing it off using his teeth.

He repeats the same treatment on the other leg, making sure no skin was left untouched.

Tetsurou crawls up to engage Kei in another lip lock, tongues slipping in and out, Kei’s hands coming down to burry unto his husband’s dark hair, slightly scratching and massaging his scalp.

Tetsurou’s hands busied themselves in pinching and pulling on Kei’s sensitive nipples, rolling them between his fingers, relishing the way Kei arched his back desperately, hips undulating to chase some friction. Tetsurou revels in the way Kei would look so pleasure-drunk from kissing him, his pupils blown wide.

His hands ventured down towards Kei’s hip, stopping him from moving. Rubbing the soft skin on Kei’s hip bone before slipping his thumbs inside and dragging the damp boxers completely. Tetsurou waited no time in settling Kei’s rump on his lap, positioning himself towards the puckered entrance, holding Kei’s thighs to anchor himself.

Kei’s breath hitched as he felt Tetsurou’s tip tease his hole, spreading precum all over the rim. He watched as Tetsurou pours more than enough lube directly on his cock, lewd and filthy, just how they like it.

The burn from the initial push had them both groaning, Tetsurou felt Kei’s heat enveloping his dick inch by inch, pausing half way to let Kei adjust, before snapping his hips forward, thrusting up until his cock is completely inside.

“ _fuck—ah!”_

_“You feel so good baby, so good…ngh so tight, Kei”_

_“Tetsu, Tetsu, move, nnhh”_

Squeezing Kei’s leg, Tetsurou slowly pulls out completely, the lube making the glide smooth, the squelching sound far from obscene. Again, and again, and again, Tetsurou thrusts in hard before pulling out, stretching Kei and hitting his prostate then slowly pulling out, watching his red-rimmed hole clench around nothing. It was enough to make Kei cry out in pleasure but not enough for him to come.

He could feel the quake of Kei’s legs as he buried himself up to the hilt, the way he tightens up around him, hearing him breathless and lascivious, _please please please Tetsu please—_

Tetsurou leans in to give one sweet kiss on Kei’s parted lips, before he straightened up and proceeded to thrust in an unforgiving pace. He watched as Kei’s face morphed into the most debauched expression he’s ever seen, fuelling him to take Kei higher, _more more more_

The unmistakable sound of skin against skin echoed inside their room, accompanied by their grunts and moans, the surroundings dark enough to see shadows dance around the corner of his eyes, thunder and rain still rumbling in the background.

It didn’t long before he felt Kei’s walls clench him tightly, his cries shorter, louder, more urgent.

So Tetsurou lifted one of Kei’s leg up his shoulder, stretching him more, before pulling him by his hips and ramming into him so hard their thighs now red and sore.

“ _ah—_ yes yes! Tetsu, _mmmn_ yes, more _ahn- ahh—”_

 _“_ you like that, baby?” Tetsurou squints his eyes, stares at how Kei looks so out of it he might’ve not understood his question.

_We can’t have that._

Tetsurou stills balls deep inside him, and Kei sobs.

“No, no no no baby no, please, almost there tetsu baby please—”

“mmmm… should I? …we could just stay like this.”

“Plea—ah!”

_A sharp thrust, “_ you like that?”

 _A hard grind, “_ answer me, baby”

Tetsurou commands as he pulled out. He licks his lips as he looks how ruined Kei looked, a mess of nerves, sweaty and trembling, stomach painted with splatters of white, dick flushed and straining, ass cheeks red from the constant harsh smacks.

 _“_ yes yes I li— _ahh!”_

_Tetsurou’s hips snap forward, force hard enough to bruise._

With how Kei’s body quivers, Tetsurou it was almost time.

Now placing Kei’s other leg on his shoulder, Tetsurou bends Kei at the waist, he reached out to clasp both their hands together before he rammed inside, rough and frantic, finally chasing completion.

And Kei did, not a moment later after Tetsurou’s brutal pace, moaning his husbands name, eyes rolled back.

And like always, Tetsurou flips their position with Kei now sitting on top of him, legs quaking with effort as he shook with over stimulation. Tetsurou continued to thrust upwards, and Kei reveled in the feeling of pleasure bleeding with the pain of over-sensitivity. Tetsurou cums as Kei’s walls clenched around him tightly, barely managing to move as he releases his load inside.

Kei slumped forward right into his husbands awaiting arms.

Both drenched, spent and aching, they stayed tangled together as they control their breathing.

Kei raises his face just in time as Tetsurou lowers his, red faced and satisfied, they exchange soft smiles. Eyes closing as Kei giggled, Tetsurou snorts as he places a kiss on Kei’s sweaty forehead. Kei then nuzzles his face under his husband’s jaw, breathing in his scent.

After a few serene minutes, Tetsurou spoke softly, “baby? Don’t sleep yet, I’ll prepare a bath.”

“hnnghn can’t walk…” comes a muffled reply.

“I’ll carry you, love.”

“mmhm…mkay”

“come up, baby, you should do it; I might hurt you…”

Supporting his husband by the arms, he watched as Kei gingerly sits up, face scrunching as he slowly raised his lower body, Tetsurou’s softening cock slipping out.

Tetsurou felt Kei’s body shiver as cum slid down where he’s stretched open, trickling down his inner thigh.

Kei lets out a soft sigh before flopping on the bed beside Tetsurou, eyes half lidded and drowsy.

Kei felt himself being stirred awake, soft hands combing his hair as soft whispers of endearment ghost his cheek.

“-ove? Love? You with me? the bath is ready. Hey, baby…”

Kei stretches his arms and made grabby hand motions, prompting his husband to smile fondly, he felt an arm sliding under his knees and across his back, and he wrapped his arms around the body gently hoisting him up.

“I love you…”

_Grin._

“I love you too, my firefly”

Kei was half awake during the bath, unsure whether or not he was dreaming when they planned a two week long vacation out of town, but it was a great plan nonetheless.

All he remembered was Tetsurou cradling him inside the tub, instructing him so close his eyes as he massaged shampoo on his hair. He dozed off when his husband started to run the soft bath sponge on his body, the comforting motions lulling him to sleep.

He woke up just after being placed on the bed, the blanket off, wearing Tetsurou’s favourite shirt and a pyjama matching the one his husband wore.

He watched as Tetsurou finished typing something in his phone, before placing it on their desk.

Tetsurou grinned as he noticed Kei watching, eagerly laying down beside him. 

Kei immediately snuggled as Tetsurou wrapped his limbs around him.

“Hi, firefly…”

“hello, love…”

“I just got the affirmative for my leave, and your leave, as well. We can plan our destinations tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that. Because it doesn’t matter, for I will still be here whenever, baby.”

“I’m glad, Tetsu. I’m so happy I’m finally home.”

“Baby, I was thinking, when we go out of town, we could visit Kyoto, lets renew our vows.”

“I’d love that, Tetsu…and we could spend the rest of our vacation there as well.”

“Let’s attend a festival, too!”

“Yes, let’s do that. Anything, as long as I can hold your hand and keep you close, love.”

“Then, I’ll be by your side.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

\--Fin--

**Author's Note:**

> -SIKE


End file.
